Chapter 1 - THE BIRTHDAY PARTY WHERE I STOPPED BREATHING
The first thing I remember is the smell of vanilla frosting, sweet and thick across a three-tier birthday cake my mother ordered for herself because she trusted no one else to choose something tasteful. Surrounding the cake were gold balloons, white roses, and a glittering gold sash that read QUEEN FOR A DAY, which my mother wore over a cream dress. I stood beside the kitchen sink with both sleeves pushed to my elbows, washing dirty glasses while thirty people laughed in the living room. The water was too hot, turning my hands pink. My mother had already told me twice not to hide in the kitchen while handing me more things to clean. At twenty-four, in my parents’ house, I somehow returned to twelve. I knew where extra forks were kept, which guests drank white wine, and how my mother liked napkins folded.
When my chest tightened, I tried to manage it quietly, pressing one hand against the counter as cold water ran over my wrist. The room tilted slightly. The gold balloons seemed too bright. “I can’t breathe,” I whispered. The first time, nobody heard. When I said it louder, my mother looked up from adjusting her sash, her eyes fixed on the wet counter and the glass I had almost dropped. “Enough drama,” she snapped under her breath. “Quit faking it. Get in the kitchen and clean.” My father added, “Stop being lazy. Your mother asked for one peaceful birthday.” When I reached for the counter, I knocked a glass into the sink, where it shattered with a sharp crack. My brother Jake laughed from the dining room, saying, “Classic Amber.” But Eric Dawson, Jake’s college friend, stepped forward, pressed two fingers to my pulse, saw the color drain from my face, and screamed for someone to call 911 immediately.
