Chapter 13 - We Went Back to the GraveWe returned to Maplewood Memorial exactly one year after the funeral.
Nora insisted.
I hated the idea.
She knew I hated it.
“That’s why we’re going.”
“That logic seems abusive.”
“It’s therapeutic exposure.”
“Your therapist again?”
“Yes.”
“I’m beginning to resent her.”
“She thinks you’re funny.”
“I take back everything.”
Snow covered the cemetery just as it had the previous year.
But this time Nora walked beside me.
Alive.
Warm coat.
Red scarf.
Gloves.
Lily came home from college.
Joseph joined us.
Evelyn.
Anna flew in.
My mother stood farther back, uncertain whether she was welcome.
Nora walked toward her.
“You can come.”
Beatrice’s eyes filled.
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
My mother almost smiled.
“But come anyway.”
We reached the plot.
There was no body beneath it.
Obviously.
The cemetery had removed the headstone immediately after the incident.
But they had installed a small memorial bench at Nora’s request.
Not for her.
For people who survived things other people tried to define as endings.
The plaque read:
FOR SECOND CHANCES.
Nothing more.
Nora sat.
I stood behind her.
“You okay?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Better answer.”
She took my hand.
“I remember hearing you.”
My chest tightened.
“What?”
“In the coffin.”
I had not known.
“I couldn’t move.”
“Nora…”
“I heard Lily.”
My eyes filled.
“I heard the priest.”
She stared toward the trees.
“And I heard you say goodbye.”
I sat beside her.
“What did I say?”
“You told me you were sorry.”
I closed my eyes.
At the funeral, before they lowered the casket, I had leaned close.
I thought nobody heard.
I said:
I’m sorry I made you lonely while I was standing right beside you.
Nora squeezed my fingers.
“That’s when I tried to move.”
I couldn’t speak.
“I was screaming inside.”
She rested her head against me.
“But then the coffin dropped.”
“Worst miracle ever.”
She laughed softly.
“Pretty much.”
We sat together.
Eventually Lily came over.
“Are we being emotional?”
“No,” I said.
“Yes,” Nora said.
Lily sat between us.
“You’re crushing me,” I complained.
“Good.”
My mother approached next.
She held flowers.
White roses.
She placed them beside the bench.
Nora looked at her.
“Thank you.”
Beatrice nodded.
“I should have stopped the burial when Evelyn arrived.”
“Yes.”
“I wanted everything quiet.”
“Yes.”
“I thought scandal was dangerous.”
Nora’s voice softened.
“Fear makes people strange.”
Beatrice looked at her.
“Your mother used to say something like that.”
Nora smiled sadly.
“Tell me.”
“She said fear doesn’t reveal character. What you do after fear does.”
I liked Elaine Mercer more every time I heard about her.
Our family stood in the cemetery for almost an hour.
No reporters.
No security gates.
No coffin.
Just people.
When we left, Nora stopped at the entrance.
Evelyn looked at her.
“What?”
Nora stared at the iron gates.
“You stood here.”
“Yes.”
“They wouldn’t let you in.”
“No.”
“You kept shouting.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Evelyn looked surprised.
“Because you were my girl.”
Nora began crying.
Evelyn hugged her.
That was the moment I realized family was not primarily blood.
Blood had caused enough trouble.
Family was who showed up at the gate and refused to stop yelling when everyone else had accepted the coffin.
That night, Nora and I returned home.
Not the Rowan estate.
We sold it.
Too many ghosts.
We bought a smaller house near the Hudson with crooked floors and an enormous kitchen Nora loved.
No staff living on-site.
No portrait of my father.
Lily’s shoes permanently cluttered the entryway when she visited.
It felt more luxurious than any mansion I had owned.
Nora stood by the kitchen island drinking tea.
“Caleb?”
“Yes?”
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Dangerous.”
She rolled her eyes.
“About us.”
I became serious.
“What about us?”
“We never renewed our vows.”
“We didn’t divorce.”
“I know.”
“Do married people normally renew vows after twenty years?”
“Married people don’t normally attend one partner’s funeral while she’s still alive.”
“Excellent point.”
She walked closer.
“I don’t want a big ceremony.”
“Good.”
“No press.”
“Very good.”
“No business people.”
“Excellent.”
“No coffin jokes.”
I hesitated.
“That may be difficult.”
She laughed.
Then she touched my face.
“I want to choose you again.”
Every joke disappeared.
“Nora.”
“But this time, no inherited promises. No Rowan traditions. No family expectations.”
“Just us.”
“Yes.”
I kissed her forehead.
“Then I choose you.”
“You haven’t heard my conditions.”
“Oh.”
“Full honesty.”
“Yes.”
“Shared passwords.”
I winced.
“Fine.”
“Therapy.”
“Fine.”
“Vacations where you do not take board calls.”
“Now this feels unreasonable.”
She laughed.
“And if I ever tell you I think somebody is stealing twenty-six million dollars…”
“I will listen immediately.”
“Good.”
I kissed her.
Then the doorbell rang.
Lily stood outside holding three shopping bags.
“I need to move home.”
I stared.
“You’ve been at college four months.”
“My roommate has a snake.”
Nora blinked.
“A snake?”
“A large one.”
“What kind?”
“I don’t care.”
I opened the door wider.
“Welcome home.”
Lily entered.
Behind her stood Andrew.
I froze.
He was not supposed to be released for another fourteen months.
Then I saw the ankle monitor.
“Temporary compassionate release,” he explained.
“For what?”
He smiled.
“Mom’s sick.”
My chest tightened.
“What?”
“Not serious.”
I exhaled.
“She asked to see all of us.”
Nora looked at me.
I knew what she was thinking.
Another family gathering.
Historically dangerous.
May you like
But this time, no one was hiding.
At least, I hoped not.
