Chapter 6 - The Man Who Needed a Break
Julian requested time with the girls the following Saturday.
By then, Maren had helped us establish a temporary arrangement that allowed both parents to remain involved while we worked through the separation.
The girls would see Julian at Diane's house for the first visit.
Diane would be present to help with their routines.
Julian agreed.
I wasn't sure whether he understood what he was agreeing to.
He arrived at ten carrying two enormous stuffed bears.
Pink.
Identical.
Each almost as big as the baby it was intended for.
Diane looked at the toys.
“Where are you planning to put those?”
Julian smiled nervously.
“I thought they'd like them.”
I looked at him.
“They're six months old.”
He glanced toward the girls.
“Right.”
I didn't mock him.
But I noticed.
He knew how to buy presents.
He didn't know what his daughters needed.
I handed him the feeding chart.
“Ivy usually eats first. Nora tends to get distracted, so it helps to keep the room quiet.”
He looked at the paper.
“Okay.”
“And they both need changing.”
He nodded.
For the first hour, everything was awkward.
Julian held Ivy.
Then Nora.
He talked to them softly.
I stayed nearby but let him interact.
When Ivy began crying, he looked at me.
“What does she want?”
“Check the chart.”
He did.
Then looked at her diaper.
“Oh.”
Diane handed him the supplies.
He changed her slowly.
Not perfectly.
But carefully.
Afterward, Ivy smiled at him.
Julian's face changed.
“She smiled.”
I nodded.
“She does that.”
He stared at her.
For the first time, I wondered how much he'd missed while living in the same house.
Not because he was working.
Because he'd decided those moments belonged to me alone.
Later, Nora became fussy.
Julian tried rocking her.
She cried harder.
He looked frustrated.
I recognized the expression.
The one that used to appear just before he handed a baby back and walked away.
But this time, Diane stepped closer.
“Slow down,” she said.
He looked at her.
“I'm trying.”
“I know. Keep your movements gentle. She's tired.”
He adjusted his position.
Nora gradually settled.
Julian stared down at her.
Then whispered, “There you go.”
I looked away.
My eyes were filling.
I had wanted this version of him months earlier.
A father learning.
Making mistakes.
Trying again.
Instead, he had chosen a vacation.
After the visit, Diane took the girls upstairs for their nap.
Julian and I sat at the kitchen table.
He looked exhausted.
“I didn't realize how much work it was.”
I stared at him.
“You lived with them for six months.”
He lowered his head.
“I know.”
“Every time I asked for help, you told me you were tired.”
He said nothing.
I continued.
“I was tired too.”
He rubbed his forehead.
“I know that now.”
I looked at him.
“Knowing it now doesn't erase what you did.”
He nodded.
For a moment, I thought he might apologize without explaining.
Then he said, “Lena told you about the investment.”
My stomach tightened.
“Yes.”
He sighed.
“She didn't understand the whole situation.”
I stared at him.
“Neither did I.”
He looked down.
I continued.
“You used our savings. You represented that I'd agreed to guarantee financing. You tried to use my mother's cottage.”
He closed his eyes.
“Dad said the business would take off.”
“Did you know I hadn't signed the documents?”
He hesitated.
Then nodded.
“Yes.”
The truth settled between us.
“Why?”
His voice became very quiet.
“Because he said I'd finally be a partner.”
I stared at him.
Julian continued.
“He said he was proud of me.”
For the first time, I saw the little boy behind the expensive suit.
The boy whose father disappeared.
The boy who spent years waiting for a phone call.
The boy who apparently believed eighty-five thousand dollars might finally buy the affection he'd never received.
I felt compassion.
Then I looked toward the stairs.
Our daughters were sleeping upstairs.
Compassion didn't change what he'd done to them.
I said, “You can't sacrifice our family to earn your father's approval.”
Julian covered his face.
“I know.”
But I needed more than those words.
I needed a practical answer.
“What happened to the twelve thousand dollars?”
He lowered his hands.
“Some went into the business.”
“How much?”
“Five thousand.”
“And the rest?”
He looked away.
I waited.
“Travel expenses.”
“Whose?”
He swallowed.
“Mine. Lena's. Dad's.”
I felt sick.
Our emergency savings.
The money I'd been protecting while purchasing discount diapers.
Seven thousand dollars spent on travel and accommodations connected to the trip he'd called fishing.
I stood.
“I'm done for today.”
Julian looked up.
“Audrey, please.”
“We'll discuss finances through our attorneys.”
He nodded slowly.
Then he asked, “Do you think we could ever fix this?”
I looked at him.
Once, that question would have been enough.
Once, I would have rushed to reassure him.
But now I thought about Ivy and Nora.
About my mother's cottage.
About the woman in the photographs.
About four days of exhaustion.
“I don't know,” I said.
And for the first time in our marriage, I didn't make his uncertainty my responsibility.
That evening, I opened my laptop.
I hadn't worked professionally in months.
My design portfolio looked unfamiliar.
Like something belonging to a woman I used to know.
Then I found an unfinished project.
A logo for a children's clothing company.
I'd stopped working on it after the twins were born.
The client had been understanding.
I opened the file.
Adjusted the colors.
Changed the typography.
And emailed the client.
Hello, I'm available to discuss completing your project if you're still interested.
The reply arrived eleven minutes later.
Audrey! We'd love to have you back.
I stared at the screen.
Then I smiled.
May you like
My marriage might have been falling apart.
But another part of my life was waiting exactly where I'd left it.
